A 6-Year Old’s Observations While Watching Football with His Dad
When I watch football with my daddy, my favorite parts are the really, really short shows that come in between when there is a time out. Not the kind of time out when I am in trouble, but a football time out where the players rest. There are a lot of these really short shows, maybe a million of them in each football game.
Anyways, of all the really short shows, my favorite ones are the ones with the new kind of super heroes.
The new kind of super heroes names are Paxil, Prevacid, Celebrex and Viagra. Aren’t those names cool? I was the very very first kid I know at school that knows these super heroes, so it is really cool, like I am special and really cool. Now other kids watch these little super hero shows during football games too and we talk about them on Mondays.
What is really cool is that each super hero has a special fighting power against a very evil enemy, like Paxil helps sad people or people who are worried about things you shouldn’t worry about be happy. This is very, very amazing to me. I don’t know what Paxil does like he makes them laugh or tickles them but in the end of the little shows its always people who look very happy. This is a very special kind of magical power all right that Paxil has. Once when we were watching the little shows, mommy told daddy that Paxil came and helped Aunt Marcia when Uncle William moved into an apartment. I told all my friends at school about this and they said it was the coolest thing ever.
Prevacid has special powers to fight a monster with a very long name but his nickname is Gerd. Gerd has evil special powers that makes acid jump into your throat from your belly. Ick. Gerd sometimes comes to bother daddy. Gerd must be very powerful because he can make daddy burp! How can a monster make you burp? I think that is the funniest thing ever but mommy says don’t laugh.
There is another super hero on the little shows named Celebrex. I think he is my favorite. Celebrex has secret amazing powers to fight against pain monsters. Like maybe if you fall off of your bike and make a strawberry on your knee or bump your head on your brother’s head by accident then Celebrex will come and make you feel better. On the little shows it looks like Celebrex only helps fight pain for grown-ups but I don’t see why Celebrex wouldn’t help a little kid if he needed it.
The most mysterious super hero is called Viagra. It is so mysterious I don’t even understand what kind of monster he fights. All’s I know is that Viagra makes a daddy’s chest puff out and makes a mommy smile in a sneaky way.
Do you know what is the scariest part of the little super hero shows that come during the football games? It is when they tell you about the dangerous things that can happen while Paxil, Prevacid Celebrex and Viagra are fighting the monsters? Sometimes little mini-monsters can come out and hurt you.
These mini-monsters have names like Headache, Diarrhea (I have heard of those monsters before, actually they have bothered me after I eat too much cake), Constipation, Rectal Discharge and the most scariest one which is called a Four Hour Erection. Every time daddy hears this one he laughs really loud and sometimes he calls Uncle William and they laugh together on the phone. But then when daddy hangs up he looks worried.
Aren’t these the coolest super heroes ever? I wish they would make these super heroes in little plastic so I could get them for Christmas or for losing a tooth. Then I could trade them with my friends. Or I wish you could have them come to your birthday party. I would really really love to see the look on daddy’s face if Viagra ever comes to our house!
© 2009 Bob London