Twitters warns Palin and Kardashian of ‘delisting,’ citing inane tweets by pop star & reality icon/model; cuts character limits by 50% to 70.

Micro-blogging service halves vapid celebs’ character limits to 70.

Potomac, MD–May 21, 2010.  In an apparently unprecedented move that is already triggering outrage among free speech advocates, Twitter, the world’s leading micro-blogging service for self-absorbed early adopters, is planning to reduce the character limit for @SarahPalinUSA and @kimkardashian, two of its most active and famous users, by 50% to 70 characters, according to sources within Twitter’s customer care group.

Twitter also warned the pop star and the reality icon/model of a possible delisting from the service if they don’t make their tweets less vapid.

The source within Twitter, who asked that his @name not be used as the company does not comment on individual user accounts, went on to say, “Look, we have a responsibility to rein in the @inanity and @randomness wherever we can, and what better place to start than with the most visible random and inane users?”

Free speech experts see the random reduction of character limits as a dangerous precedent.  According to Pollo D’Barbosa of the Freedome to Tweet Foundation in Caracas, VZ,  “We acknowledge the stupidity of some of these tweets and the seeming uselessness of Twitter in general, but the power of free speech supersedes such superciliousness.”

Marketing and communications expert Bob London, president of marketing consulting firm London, Ink, speculated that the reduction in character limits would not impact the stars’ ability to connect with followers.  “If you’re the type of person who follows something that is inane and worthless to begin with, are you really going to notice if it is reduced by half?” said London.

Spokes-tweeters for @kimkardashian and @SarahPalinUSA declined to respond to Twitter DM’s for this story.

Breaking News: Washington Post Business news being moved to Kids Post

Potomac, MD–July 23, 2009.   In  a dramatic reflection of the continued decline of the Washington Post’s Business Page, formerly known as the Washington Post Business Section, sources close to the paper have revealed that all business reporting, in the form of a business digest, will now appear as a sidebar on the Kids Post page.

Washington Post moves business news to Kids Post page.

Washington Post moves business news to Kids Post page.

London, Ink, a leading marketing and communications consulting firm serving innovative companies, learned of this latest and perhaps most drastic change in the Post’s business reporting by hanging around favorite Postie watering holes near 17th and Rhode Island Avenues, NW and eavesdropping on conversations between embittered editorial staff.

As have virtually all mainstream media companies, the Washington Post has come under severe financial pressure due to the drop-off in readership and consequently in ad revenues.

Moves such as putting business content on a page primarily targeting the 5 – 16 year old demographic are widely seen as a “get ‘em while they’re young” strategy designed to address the news consumption habits of young readers who typically get their news from outlets other than print.

Commenting on the Post’s move, industry analyst Beth Page-Black of investment bank Sanderson, Guilt and Godot, said,  “I believe the children are the future.”

More strategically, moves such as this one enable the Post to reallocate resources to its core “franchises” of national political reporting, global political analysis and its thriving Howard County Extra section.

Reactions in the business community were somewhat muted.   Gates Buffet, Jr., a major player/investor/Twitterer in the DC area for more than two years viewed the Post’s dwindling business content somewhat apathetically.  “I read the Post print edition only when I’m early for a meeting at the Silver Diner in Tysons Corner and happen to have $0.75 handy,” said Buffet.  “And then I pretty much go right for the BestBuy circular if there is one.  If not I check out ‘Missed Connections’ in the classified to see if anyone’s looking for me.”

A spokesperson for the Washington Post said last night that publisher Katherine Weymouth was unable to comment, citing preparations for a revenue generating influence peddling event at Ms. Weymouth’s home.

www.does-this-outfit-make-me-look-fat.com

I just found the best use, hands down, for our digital camera. When my wife asks ‘do these pants make me look fat?’, I take a digital picture of her from behind, print it out and show it to her, so she can decide for herself.

(NOTE: I need to point out before going any further that my wife is a svelte size 2.)

This keeps me out of the uncomfortable, no-win position of having to give my own opinion.

This actually worked well for a few weeks, but once I was out with the kids, and she had to take her own picture. Not as simple as it sounds. She had to rig an elaborate series of mirrors to shoot from the right angle, plus she had to find the tripod, and, seeing it layered in dust, had to dig out the Clorox wipes to clean it first.

I came home and found an ugly scene. My wife stood, with every mirror in the house arrayed around her, her neck awkwardly twisted over her left shoulder trying to adjust the camera/tripod. She looked like Annie Oakley at an Old West target shooting exhibition or a very fashionable contortionist performing in a house of mirrors.

To avoid this situation in the future, I taught her how to use the auto shoot/timer function so she could simply put the camera and tripod behind her.

The next time this worked but when she looked at the printed photo, she couldn’t decide if the outfit made her look fat. Well, necessesity is the mother of invention, so she emailed the picture to three of her friends, then called them to get their opinion.

This gave me another sure-fire money-making idea: launch a site called http://www.does-this-outfit-make-me-look-fat.com, an interactive portal in the vein of amihot.com or ratemyboobjob.com, where fashion-conscious but indecisive people (and when I say “people” I mean “women”) worldwide can post their photos and have others rate how their behinds look.

Exclusive report: Twitter considers expanding to 147 characters.

Potomac, MD–July 17, 2009.   Twitter, the world’s leading micro-blogging service for self-absorbed early adopters, is considering expanding its character limit to 147–a 5% increase over the current 140 character limit, according to people familiar with the company. 

London, Ink, a leading marketing and communications consulting firm serving innovative companies, learned of these discussions by calling Twitter’s San Francisco headquarters and asking the receptionist, “Would Twitter ever consider increasing its character limit to 147?” to which the receptionist replied, “Hold, please,” and then 15 minutes later, “Hi, we have no comment on that.”

Reactions to the potential change varied.  Investment banker Buffet Gates sees the move as an attempt to “raise the bar in Twitter’s Sisyphean mindshare battle with Facebook,” another company with an immense valuation and no real business model.

Twitter users were more skeptical and anxious.  “I have a hard enough time thinking of 140 characters worth of things to say,” said Christine Schmelkinson of Canton, OH.  “Now I have to worry about getting all the way to 147!  I guess I can always fill up the extra space with emoticons or exaggerated spellings like ‘I’m reaaaallllly bored right now.’”

A Facebook spokesperson declined to comment via Twitter for this story.

When Little League Coaches “Must Win,” 6-Year Old Free Agents Reap the Benefits

When Little League Coaches “Must Win,” 6-Year Old Free Agents Reap the Benefits


In my neighborhood, on what should be a relaxing Sunday afternoon, there is nothing more special than hearing the hard-edged voices of uber-competitive coaches and parents (yes, you too,  moms) shouting “encouragement” and loudly citing rules violations to (or actually at) their little league playing darlings, the opposing team and sometimes game officials.

In this light it is not surprising that we have seen some coaches pioneer the concept of little league free agency (a/k/a poaching), where they cajole or otherwise bribe an especially talented kid to switch teams.

Here is an actual list of demands sent by a seven-year old (no doubt with the help of his parents and their attorney) to a little league coach trying to get him to switch teams:

Mikey’s List of Things I Would Like My New Team to Do to Make Me Feel Special and Welcome!


  • A luxury SUV (i.e. Hummer H2, Lexus GX470 or Cadillac Escalade) will pick me up at least 50 minutes prior to game time. Rear seat to be fitted with one Britax LittlePro booster seat (MSRP $299.99).
  • On the rear-seat DVD screen, the movie “Like Mike” will be playing, cued up to the point sixteen (16) minutes into the film when Michael Jordan first appears.
  • A cooler next to seat will be prepared to include two (2) white grape juice boxes, one pre-game, one post-game, each chilled to exactly 46 degrees, one (1) 1.5-ounce box of Junior Mints and one (1) roll of Smarties.
  • The words, “Mikey Pomerantz, #3,” (real name changed for privacy purposes) inside an image of a five-point star, must be stencilled or painted on the cooler.
  • Two white high thread count (min. 500), high-absorbency towels with the same inscription and design will be available, one for pre-game warm-ups, one for post-game, will be placed in a paper bag next to the cooler.
  • As field conditions and logistics permit the SUV will travel onto the grass and drop me off on the field next to or just behind the dugout area. If not I will be dropped off no more than three steps from the curb nearest to the field.
  • Upon my arrival at field, there will be two 3 x 5 foot signs displayed behind the backstop, one reading, “Go Mikey!,” and the other “Mikey, we’re glad you’re a Titan.”
  • One extra large umbrella and two chairs each with two cupholders will be set up for my parents at least 20 minutes before game time. One cupholder on each chair will contain a Ginger-Jasmine Iced Tea and the other an Evian, each chilled to 46 degrees.
  • The same vehicle that brought me to the game will transport me home, departing the field no sooner than 15 minutes after end of game. Cooler next to seat will include one (1) white grape juice box chilled to exactly 46 degrees and one (1) frozen Snickers bar.
  • Rear-seat DVD screen will be showing Shrek, cued up to the scene eleven (11) minutes in where Shrek pulls out his ear wax and uses it for a candle.

Top Jewish Parent Reactions to Seeing Kid’s Camp Photos

Top Jewish Parent Reactions to Seeing Kid’s Camp Photos

  • He looks cold.
  • He looks warm.
  • I’m positive he’s lost at least 6 ounces.
  • He’s not in any pictures, is he off by himself somewhere crying?
  • He’s in all these pictures, is he just following the crowd?
  • Seeing him in these pictures reminds me that he never writes.
  • Why is that other kid with the Phillies hat in every shot?
  • He wore that shirt two days in a row!
  • His left eye has a tinge of pink–I’ll bet you he forgot to take his Zyrtec.
  • His outfit doesn’t match.
  • Allergy alert: Was that a peanut in the lower left hand corner of the pic?
  • Is that a blood stain on his sock?
  • For all the money we pay, the camp’s web site is so slooowwwww!
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