by Bob London
Your average business networking breakfast or company event is basically full of insecure people who are forced either by their bosses or by the mortgage on their second homes to show up and attempt something called “schmoozing” with a room full of other insecure people, many of whom are armed with a dangerous thing called a quota.
So understand that no one-repeat no one—is there of his or her own volition.
This forced yet totally unnatural dynamic results in a veritable Petri dish of strange and often boorish behaviors, some of which I will now attempt to describe.
I have overheard hotel lobby cellphone conversations where full-grown professionals beg their bosses or spouses for permission to return to the comfort of their Lexus sedans rather than through those dreaded fake-wood paneled double doors.
I have witnessed well-dressed and otherwise polished individuals whisper pep talks into bathroom mirrors.
I have observed semi-articulate, regionally-accented executives rise to ask a question of a panelist and proceed to deliver a nine-minute preface/soliloquy containing his views on Net Neutrality, Sarbanes-Oxley, the coming of another Cold War and Dilbert, all without taking a breath.
I have experienced a phenomenon known as Java-Blocking, where someone decides that the coffee station is the perfect place to set up shop and begin to network, thus creating a backup of which the Woodrow Wilson Bridge would be proud.
I have smelled Nuclear Coffee Breath so intense, even at a distance of ten paces, that it caused carbon dioxide detectors to sound and the fire department to show up.
I have consoled a colleague who was deemed by a fellow networker not to be Cardworthy—she only had four cards left and didn’t think he merited one.
I have talked to people who spent the entire 12-minute conversation looking past my shoulder as if they expected one of the Steves (Ballmer, Jobs, Case, Seagall) to enter the room at any moment.
I have picked up distress signals from associates trapped in an interminable conversation known as a Verbal Bear Hug, desperately seeking a knight in shining wing-tips to come to the rescue.
I hope this column will, in some small way, build awareness of these all-too-common dysfunctional behaviors and contribute to their ultimate demise. Wishful thinking, I know.
Bob London is president of London, Ink LLC, a full-service marketing and communications firm and serves as a Virtual VP of Marketing for growth-stage companies that need hands-on project-based leadership in marketing strategy and planning. More information is available at www.londonink.com.
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Bob,
Wonderful bobservations and I have either been one of those people or been assaulted by one. I actually find “networking events” to be the toughest part of my job which is something others find hard to understand.
Any bobservations on how to make the most of them?
m
Hey, Mark. Hope you are well. All humor comes from pain as you’ve probably heard, and networking events can be painful. I literally used to call my wife while driving to one of those massive 600 person NVTC breakfasts and say things like, “I don’t think I really need to go to this event…there probably won’t be anyone good there.” Her response: “Hang up the phone and get your a$$ to the Hilton.” All I can say is that repetition and a friendly approach (not necessarily outgoing) will win the day. Also researching the event beforehand to see who else may be attending (this is getting easier with social networking tools) can really help. And perhaps go with a colleague but don’t use him/her as a crutch.
Bob- that was LOL funny.
I try and go to networking events with only one goal. I give away stuff. I’m not there to sell anything…I realize most of these people are just there for entertainment before they have to go home to their 2nd full time job of spouse/kids and just hope to meet a quality “single-serving” friend (yes, I lifted that from Fight Club) so they can say the time was worthwhile.
I have two questions I arm myself with:
>have you done anything fun recently?
>what did you do today to drive your business?
Jeff, great stuff. I love the question about “fun,” as I’ve found most people are just plain nervous which makes them look serious, when in reality they love it when someone breaks the ice.
Bob:
I recognize so many of those… and found myself wracking my brain to see if I had committed any of the sins you mentioned!
I’m less bothered by the “looking past my shoulder” phenomenon, though I can’t really explain why.
One of my pet peeves is people who go into a networking situation with one agenda and can only talk about the one issue that matters to them vs. being able to hold a conversation with an individual — or group of individuals — about other topics.
And then there’s the person whose sole goal in meeting people is: “What can you do for me?” I try to look at every person I meet and figure out what I can do for them vs. what they can do for me.
Robin, that’s a great point and unfortunately a bit of a lost art: asking others how you can help them (and don’t expect anything in return). I’ve built some great relationships that way (from scratch) and have gotten much in return!
m–
I posted my comment before seeing yours. A few comments about how to make the most of networking events…
1. If you can, go to a networking event with someone you know whose circle extends beyond your own. Some of my best networking experiences have been going to an event with a colleague who can introduce me to new people and help grease the wheels, so to speak.
2. Go with a planned exit strategy so that you can easily slip out of a Verbal Bear Hug conversation. One option: “Will you excuse me? I see XX over there and we’ve been playing phone tag.”
3. If you’re by yourself, look for the other person who is there alone and looking lost and make that the first person you connect with. They’ll be as relieved as you are.
4. Go to the coffee line or food line and strike up a conversation with the person standing in front of or behind you. It’s a little less awkward than walking up to someone or a group and starting a conversation.
I hope these suggestions help.
Spot on, Robin! Thanks for posting.
I run into people all the time who don’t feel right about creating exit strategies on the Verbal Bear Hug. Perhaps it’s guilt? In any case, I think that’s one of the biggest issues people have with networking and finding exit phrases are really important. I shed my guilt years ago!
Bob — Greatt article, insightful observations. Another that I have noticed with myself is that it’s easeir for me to network at an event that has a sit down meal of some sort. I was at event yesterdayt, introduced myself to everyone at the table, which led to one or two other introductions. If had to choose, I’d rather forego a free event and pay a few buck for an event with a more select group of people at a more inviting or intimate venue.
B