Why Can’t The Ads on Satellite Radio Be Profane? (Warning: Contains implicit profanity)

Advertisers should be drooling over potential for uncensored radio spots on XM/Sirius.

Advertising agencies are running out of space on the old creative envelope in their constant quest to be “breakthrough” and “fresh.” After all, how many different ways are there to do “doctor recommended” aspirin spots and sophomoric beer commercials? (Doesn’t it seem as though every creative director really wants to write sitcoms or screenplays anyway?)

So the emergence of unregulated satellite radio should have–but for some reason hasn’t yet–opened up a whole new vein of creative options. Hey, advertising is about emotion, and what better way to express emotion about some otherwise boring, non-differentiated consumer packaged good, bucket of chicken or American-made vehicle than a string of profanity.

Imagine those great OnStar spots taking on a whole new sense of urgency with the help of a few well-placed curses:

Operator: OnStar emergency, how can I help you?

Man: Oh, god, she’s in labor, my god, I don’t know what to do.

Operator: OK, sir, let me just confirm your location.

Woman’s Voice in Background: F@@@@@@@@@@ck!! It hurts like a son-of-a-b11111tch!!

Man: Jesus, can’t you just send someone?

Operator: OK, sir I have you at the intersection of route 118 and 28 in Clarksburg, is that correct?

Man (To Wife): Honey just relax we’ll get some help.

Man (To operator): Yes, can you just please have them get their a$$es over here?

Operator: Yes, sir, just a minute.

Operator (to Emergency Dispatcher): Hi, this is OnStar, we have a man on the line saying that his wife is in labor in the car.

Dispatcher: OK, we’ll be right there.

Operator (to Man): OK, sir I’ve spoken to emergency services and they should be there shortly.

Woman’s Voice in Background: Holy sh@#!$%^&*t, where the f^%k are they already?

Man to Operator: Just tell them to f^cking hurry.

Operator: Yes sir. Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Man (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, I’d like to open up a home equity line of credit.

Operator: I’m sorry, we don’t provide that type of service.

Man: No sh#t, sherlock, just get someone the f^ck over here now!!

Operator: Thank you for using OnStar…f^%king a$$h*le.

Announcer: OnStar. Just when you think you’re sh^t out of luck.

And…think about the amazing possibilities for profane or politically insensitive–but motivating–taglines for ads on satellite radio:

  • KFC: For chicken that’s so f$%*-ing good you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven.
  • General Motors: Buy our boring as f*ck cars so we can afford our ri-god-d@mn-diculous health care costs forced on us by those union @$$holes.
  • Geico: Remember, just one accident and we’ll boot your a$$es right out.
  • McDonalds: If you’re going to feed your kids unhealthy food it might as well come with a cute f%#cking toy.
  • Lego: Tell your parents to buy Legos, or we’ll put a scary monster under your bed, you little sh#t.
  • Exxon: Yeah, we’d like to see you try to cut down on gas, you SUV-driving sh*t-heads.
  • Anheuser-Busch: Your parents drank and drove and lived to tell about it, so don’t let them pull any of that sanctimonious, guilt-inducing sh#t on you about designated drivers.
About these ads

2 Comments

  1. Perhaps the ad biz hasn’t let go of its Puritan roots….poor depraved America. :)

    • Haha…Laura, great point, thanks for contributing. Hope you are doing well!


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