I’m not going to go into some time-worn, crusted-over rant about the uselessness and unattractiveness of the pinky toe–that ground has been plowed and replowed to the point where it has created a sort of stand-up comedy Dust Bowl.
I will, however, take a more practical angle on that bit.
The gnarled shape of the nail on most pinky toes makes it notoriously hard to file, shape and lacquer by the average nail salonist. No amount of “lipstick” on this tarsal pig helps. There’s simply no way to make the pinky toenail look like anything other than what it is: a nasty, shriveled, sometimes sharp-edged scrap of keratin stuck to the fifth metatarsal–the lowest-ranking sub-appendage on the human body.
So, realizing this, why do women continue to bother including pinky toes in their pedicure? By my count, a full 20% of the toes are cosmetically untreatable, yet they are included in the price of the service. This is stunning: Women are paying for two pretty pinky toes–something that is quite impossible to achieve.
Where else in life are we so wasteful and ignorant of the cost/value equation? Would we pay for a shoeshine and leave after one shoe is treated? Would one buy a six pack of Blue Moon and leave one bottle on the counter? Would we pay to see a 9-inning baseball game, then leave after 7? (Well, only if it involves the Washington Nationals.)
So, starting today, I call on all women to pay 20% less for their next pedicure by skipping the pinky toes. In my estimates, if just 10% of women worldwide adopted this frugal approach, the collective annual savings would be just under $30 billion.
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com.
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Years ago, aAn unnamed little brother of mine once made fun of the shape of my pinky toenail. I believe I was in my late teens; so he must have been about 7. I have never forgotten this.
That means, by extrapolation, he made fun of mine too.
Again, a thousand (or two thousand) apologies!
Years later…I’m so sorry!
There are three significant unexplored financial opportunities here:
1. the creation of for-profit removable pinkie toe sheaths that could be customized to match the outcomes of manicures complete with sequins and stripes
2. bringing men into the fold of the pinkie-aware; who says pedicures are just for women these days?
3. a donation jar at the register where one pays for completed manicures; we could raise millions by asking for donations that would equal the price of the pinkie pedicure alone; the donations would be applied to the US National Debt
Bob, you are inspiring your legions of readers to think bigger. Thanks!
George, you have raise the bar for comments on this site–brilliant! For your efforts, I’d like to send you a London, Ink baseball cap (seriously). Please email me your address when you have a chance.
Best,
– Bob