“OK, if these ideas are not actually going to be considered then at least my wife and I should be able to discuss them like adults. Or if not actually discuss, then I should be able to make suggestions without being ridiculed. Or at least write about them as a form of public commiseration without being accused of “embarrassing the family.”

Why should we loyal readers let him stand alone to suffer these grievous slings and arrows, folks? Absolutely not!

I’m highly qualified to comment here: I own a kitchen (well, the bank actually owns it while I own two garage doors and several door knobs). I’m not Jewish. I have grown sons.

My recommendation: invent the Kit Mitzvah.

Clearly it’s time for Bob’s kitchen to join the 20th Century if not the 21st. Obviously his kitchen (which reportedly has a huge fireplace and an iron pot hanging from an arm above an open fire) has been the scene of many family educational experiences for Bob’s son by evening candlelight. Undoubtedly much of this education has rubbed off on the kitchen leaving a fine, hopeful patina with a slight accent. I strongly recommend that the Bob Family create a Kit Mitzvah Gala, a combination of a clan gathering, a funding opportunity, and the honoring of the kitchen’s emergence into a new way of life.

Anyone objecting to this recommendation should call or write to Bob directly.

George Schofield