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When Marketing Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth: An Evening with HubSpot’s Brian Halligan
HubSpot’s Brian Halligan gives marketers a good-natured slap in the face
By Bob London, President of London, Ink
Brian Halligan is CEO of HubSpot, and he has biz cred. He’s one of the current “it guys” of the start-up world, and it’s hard to ignore his pitch after you hear how his company is crushing it.
HubSpot, an online software company that “gives (businesses) all the tools you need to make marketing that people will actually love,” has seen revenues grow more than 6,000% since 2007. HubSpot is the second fastest growing software company on the widely admired Inc. 500 list. The company has raised money from, among others, Google Ventures and Salesforce.com.
Last night, while in town to attend the Inc. 500 gala, Halligan spoke at an event sponsored by the Technology Marketing Alliance (on whose board I sit) and FounderCorps at the Deloitte Executive Briefing Center in Tysons Corner, Virginia. The event was conceived by ZoomSafer CEO Matt Howard, a master connector who brought together TMA, Halligan and FounderCorps.
Halligan raved about the future of marketing, and he is a stitch: at one point he bent over and mimed the act of shoveling in order to demonstrate how old school marketers (including most of the audience) are just dumping their freshly minted VC investments into a furnace—essentially renting rather than owning their own marketing assets.
What marketers should focus on, according to Halligan, is getting found. How do you get found? Here’s his prescription:
- Have a smart web site that personalizes the experience based on the visitors.
- Create a blog and use it and your site to publish a high volume of content to drive visitors, generate inbound links and improve your SEO.
- Syndicate that content around the web to various high-traffic sites and channels (i.e. SlideShare, Twitter, Facebook, etc.).
- Use real words and thoughts instead of business-speak.
- Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.
- Hire young, hungry and cheap digital citizens.
- Measure and analyze everything and refine consistently.
Stephanie Wonderlick of SpeakerBox PR, which put together the event, encapsulated Halligan’s points in this blog post.
Woven into almost every part of his pitch is that the era of money-wasting marketing dinosaurs is over. Marketers need to stop using the traditional marketing playbook, which includes buying lists, spamming them, cold calling your brains out and going to tradeshows.
(By the way, Halligan told us that HubSpot just spent $700,000 to sponsor Salesforce.com’s DreamForce event and that if the ROI doesn’t prove its value they will not do that again.)
In general terms, Halligan is spot on. The typical marketing approach needs to be reinvented. His pitch is reminiscent of the seminal 2008 New Yorker article by Ken Auletta, which chronicled the meeting between Google’s co-founders and Mel Karmazin, an old-line broadcast ad sales guy who was then CEO of Viacom. Here’s part of their exchange:
“You buy a commercial on the Super Bowl, you’re going to pay two and a half million dollars for the spot,” Karmazin told the Google team. “I have no idea if it’s going to work. You pay your money, you take your chances.” To turn this lucrative system over to a mechanized auction posed a serious threat. “I want a salesperson in the process, taking that buyer out for drinks, getting an order he shouldn’t have gotten.”
(Larry) Page and (Sergey) Brin thought Karmazin’s method manipulated emotions and cheated advertisers. Just as egregious, it wasn’t measurable and was therefore inefficient. They were convinced that they could engineer a better system.
Karmazin looked at his Google hosts and proclaimed, only half in jest, “You’re f@%ing with the magic!”
So Halligan and HubSpot are clearly on to something big and game-changing. The cringes and nervous laughs from last night’s audience indicates the type of old vs. new tension that usually precedes a tectonic shift.
But his evangelistic fervor seemed to suggest that the marketing dinosaurs who are doing it all wrong today have only a few short moments left on earth. They need to evolve now. Today. Yesterday. Run out and re-staff your marketing departments with fresh-faced, recently graduated digital natives who shun email, hate rules and love Wilco. Turn them loose on the web and don’t edit them too much, if at all. Stop wasting money on trying to find your audience; let them find you.
This is the right idea, and hopefully the companies that are buying (actually renting) HubSpot’s software will adopt Halligan’s Inbound Marketing strategies to make the software live up to its potential. Then the world can see proof that the vision is taking place now—not in ten years.
But there is the question of timing. How quickly will or should the marketing world evolve. It is already unrecognizable from just five or certainly 15 years ago. How soon and how fully will the HubSpot view of the world take hold?
As the event ended, the over-riding feeling I was left with was one of feeling refreshed. Marketers should appreciate Halligan’s good-natured slap in the face. To dismiss his point is to risk becoming extinct—if not next year then perhaps the year after.
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com. His business humor writing, Bobservations, can be seen at www.bob-servations.com and is now a monthly column in SmartCEO DC magazine (www.smartceo.com).
New Line of Strollers for Every Type of Dad: My2Dads Cruiser, Blingster, Hummer Sidewalk Commander
From the Bobservations archives, circa 2005. Holds up pretty well…
From the Wall Street Journal, February 24, 2005: Strollers with Dad Appeal
“Anything involving wheels is bound eventually to attract the attention of the male of the species. Now, that most rudimentary — even feminine — of vehicles, the baby stroller, is beginning to capture the imagination of men in a big way. A generation of strollers with sophisticated engineering, sleek designs and un-nursery-like colors (from black to “racing yellow”) has emerged, allowing dads to compare notes about wheel suspension and off-road handling with a reverence once reserved for expensive sports cars.”
NEWS RELEASE
Manly Strollers, Inc. Introduces Spring 2006 Product Lineup
In response to escalating demand for strollers that meet the emotional, logistical and rational needs of today’s man–in all his glorious variations, Manly Strollers is pleased to announce its Spring 2006 product lineup:
Hummer SidewalkCommander
Definitely the “beast-in-class,” this head-turner makes Dad feel like he’s just had a triple-venti shot of testosterone. High ground clearance front end features PoodleCatcher to clear the way of annoying critters, trash and slow-moving toddlers.
The Esquire
Attorneys are dads too. You don’t have much time to spend with your kids (understandable since you’re securing their financial future), so this model makes jaunts as productive and memorable as possible. Featuring burled walnut side panels and BriefMaster, a locking extra-wide, side-car filing system for your most critical documents.
Nike Fitness Freak
Don’t just stroll, grind. Padded heavy-resistance grips automatically measure heart rate and Body Mass Index. Optional stairclimber attachment converts your energy into propulsion.
The Playboy
Don’t worry single dads, we haven’t forgotten you. A gold Playboy bunny medallion sets off this chick-magnet. Plus there are three vanity mirrors to make sure your bangs are covering your hairplugs. Matches sets of dad/kid fuzzy dice for show and play! Order now and get a free copy of “How to Get Any Chick to Dig You.”
The Blingster, by West Coast Custom Auto in L.A.
The other kids will literally drool over your gold pacifier hood ornament, and jealous player-wannabes will love the contrasting fender flares and other ground effects. Hydraulic lifts give this ride some bounce. Upgrade with your choice of three Rims4Kids 20″ chrome rims.
The Hunter with the NRA Consumer Product Seal of Approval
Camoflage fabric makes this baby stand out in a crowd but blend in in the bush. Features MyFirstGunRack and 360 degree turret for wide coverage. Converts into a deluxe tree stand so it’s still useful after the kids grow up.
CyberPatrol 2.0
Wi-Fi-enabled, and with a 200 Gig hard drive and LCD monitor, you will never miss another email, video chat or blog posting with this techno-marvel. Buy now and get a 5% discount towards the CyberPatroller 3.0 upgrade coming next month.
Tool-Around Town by Craftsman
A pull-out workbench, complete with heavy-duty vise, makes this the ultimate productivity vehicle. Comes with a tool rack and tool set plus a portable generator for your power and compressor tools.
Little Green Wagon
Made of 100% recycled, reusable materials, this model features solar powered panels that heat baby bottles while you stroll. Front-end wood-chipper attachment converts twigs and leaves into mulch for your yard.
My2Dads Cruiser featuring Interior Design by Gucci
This nifty model features dual handles for side-by-side pushing. Comes with four beautiful slipcovers so you can adjust your style to meet your mood. Also comes with an indispensible laminated card with snappy comebacks to deflect snide comments from passing homophobes.
Ferrari TurboDad
Make sure you’re the first dad across the finish line whether you’re crossing those mean suburban streets or the marbled corridors of your local upscale mall. Features that classic low-slung Ferrari styling and racing tuned suspension.
The Elder Statesman
You’ve worked hard for your new young trophy wife, and this motorized luxury model is another reward. Have you had kids with more than one wife? No problem. This stroller comes with three interchangeable interiors when you’re toting kids from your first and second wife–and their kids if they have them. Self-propelled automatic drivetrain reduces wear and tear on your aging legs.
The DealMaker by Trump
When indispensability is your hallmark, this is a must-have stroller. A four-line wireless phone system is the highlight of this power-broker’s dream come true. A Blackberry attached to a 21″ monitor means your hostile takeovers won’t skip a beat while you squeeze in some quality time with the little tax deduction. Optional front windscreen to prevent flyaway hair.
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com. His business humor writing, Bobservations, can be seen at www.bob-servations.com and is now a monthly column in SmartCEO DC magazine (www.smartceo.com).
My new kitchen, sponsored by Home Depot.
Loyal followers of this blog–or people who have extraordinary memories for minutiae–might recall that I’m fond of coming up with innovative albeit controversial ways to save money.
For instance, my breakthrough ideas for monetizing our son’s Bar Mitzvah (How to save money on a Bar Mitzvah or other happy occasion during times of economic uncertainty.) and my attempt to defray the cost of a new flagstone patio by selling Brick Sponsorships to friends and family (Want to sponsor my new patio? A creative way to subsidize home projects during a recession.), were met with widespread derision and scorn–and that was just within my own family.
But, as has been said many times, “failure is data too.”
I decided to try a new bigger bang strategy, this one aimed at reducing the monstrous expense of renovating our kitchen. Rather than piecing together numerous individual sponsors, I would approach a savvier, deeper-pocketed sponsor, one that already understood the premise of spending oodles of marketing dollars with zero, or at best, ambiguous returns on investment. Yes, it was time to target a large corporate advertiser!
My first target was Home Depot. For goodness sakes, if they can afford all that money for NASCAR sponsorships and those TV ads, they should at least take a look at sponsoring my kitchen. Below is an excerpt from my conversation with the Director of Corporate Sponsorships at Home Depot.
*****
Home Depot: Hi, this is Greg (last name withheld).
Me: Good morning, Greg?
Home Depot: Yes, this is Greg.
Me: Hi, my name is Bob London, how are you today?
HD: Uh…good.
Me: Fantastic. Greg, I sent you some materials last Thursday regarding a unique, limited sponsorship opportunity.
HD: Ok, um….
Me: Right, and its really catching on, so I wanted to follow up with you quickly since I’m also getting some interest from one of your competitors.
HD: Uh huh.
Me: Great! Just to refresh your memory, Greg, we’re putting in a new kitchen using only materials and products from Home Depot, from cabinets to appliances to framing lumber to drywall and paint, plus–
HD: Wait a minute.
Me: Sure, go ahead., Greg! My job is to listen!
HD: Is this the deal where you want us to sponsor your kitchen remodel?
Me: Well, Greg, you certainly like to cut to the chase don’t you? I like that! Greg, you’ve hit the nail on the head–and of course it’s a Home Depot nail and hammer–haha. Our new kitchen will be a high-traffic, high-quality environment for the Home Depot message at a fraction of the cost of most of your other corporate sponsorship venues. For comparison purposes, you’ll notice in the sponsorship package I sent you I included a chart comparing our sponsorship costs and benefits with other popular sponsorships such as the U.S. Tennis Open, in-stadium signage at a Major league Baseball venue and the Westminster Kennel Club show. What this analysis shows is that–
HD: You’re aware that if you’re recording this call as a joke or for a reality show that you have to inform me up front, right?
Me: Pardon? Oh, no Greg, this is as real as it gets. It might sound too innovative to be real, but it is! In addition to the Home Depot signage you’ll receive throughout our sparkling new kitchen, we’ll include a rooftop banner that’s visible from Google Maps. And you’ll have exclusive rights to blog about the project–both text, still pictures and video–in real time!
HD: (silence)
Me: Greg? You there? Are you just bowled over by the creativity on this deal? Haha.
HD: Right. Um, can you hold for a second?
Me: Absolutely, Greg, no problem, just take as long as you–
HD: On hold music (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road/Elton John–3:07…Free Bird/Lynyrd Skynyrd–6:41…Stairway to Heaven/Led Zeppelin–8:28…In-a-Gadda-da-Vida/Iron Butterfly–17:55…Like a Virgin, Ext. Dance Remix/Madonna–31:01)
HD: (female voice) Hi, you’re holding for?
Me: Hi, I was holding for Greg (last name withheld).
HD: (female voice) Oh, Greg’s gone for the day. Would you like his voicemail?
Me: (to self) Humpf. (to female) Absolutely that’d be great!
HD: (voicemail greeting) Hi, this is Greg, I’m either on the phone…(deleted for brevity)…(beep).
Me: Hi, Greg, Bob London again about the kitchen sponsorship. I guess you had to jump on another call. But it sounds as though there’s some real interest on Home Depot’s part to do this deal, so I will follow up tomorrow regarding next steps. (Call ends.)
*****
As you can tell, this deal is incredibly promising, and the best part is that I only need two corporate sponsors to break even. Everything after that is pure gravy, my friends! Next I’m calling the Charmin people about sponsoring our bathroom remodeling project.
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com. His business humor writing, Bobservations, can be seen at www.bob-servations.com and is now a monthly column in SmartCEO DC magazine (www.smartceo.com).
[HARO] Wednesday Morning Queries “Parody” Edition
[HARO] Tuesday Evening Queries “Self Parody” Edition
Quiz time! Are you aware that HARO has a waiting list for
advertisers? And that a favorite PR agency parlor game is to
multiply the number of annual HARO editions by the ad rate
to calculate how much money I, Peter Shankman, earn? And
that they then slap their foreheads and exclaim, “Why didn’t I
invent HARO?”? Here’s why you didn’t invent HARO: Because
you aren’t me, Peter Shankman! Now, here’s the next best thing
to being Peter Shankman: Buy my new book, “P.S. I love me.”
This book explains how I got to be me and shows you how you
can be me too! Best of all, “P.S. I love me” is designed and
sponsored by SCOTTEVEST, so it has 13 pockets for all of your
tech gear! Special offer for HARROW readers: Just enter the
promo code LUVME, and receive a 25% discount on any Vocus
service for one full month.
As we start move into what I like to call HARO, THE EARNOUT
YEARS, it’s a great time to remind you that, as promised, since
HARO was acquired by pr software giant, Vocus, Inc. nothing’s
changed at HARO. Except the fact that we are contractually
obligated to same something nice about Vocus at least 2x/day.
Well, that’s life for the next 21 months.
Queries!
********* INDEX ***********
1) Looking for multi-racial families with gluten-allergies that practice
home schooling.
2) Consumers who have used home rhinoplasty or liposuction kits.
3) Have you ever looked up the value of a business contact’s house,
out of curiosity or jealousy?
4) Writing white paper about how to use white papers for marketing:
Got tips?
5) Who came up with curse words and where do jokes come from?
6) Couples using dual alarm clock: where you do put it so you can
both reach?
7) Looking for spokespeople who’ve slept with reporters that cover
their company.
8 ) Looking for reporters who’ve slept with the corporate spokespeople
they cover.
9) Need billionaire to interview for podcast targeting billionaires: do
you still clip coupons?
10) Looking for reporters who’ve used HARO–does this thing work?
11) Are you a raving fan of Vocus, the world leader in PR and social
media management services?
–This parody is meant with all due respect, admiration and love (the professional kind) to HARO, Peter Shankman and Vocus. I’m a raving fan of all three.–
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com. His business humor writing, Bobservations, can be seen at www.bob-servations.com.
Save 20% on pedicures by skipping the pinky toe.
I’m not going to go into some time-worn, crusted-over rant about the uselessness and unattractiveness of the pinky toe–that ground has been plowed and replowed to the point where it has created a sort of stand-up comedy Dust Bowl.
I will, however, take a more practical angle on that bit.
The gnarled shape of the nail on most pinky toes makes it notoriously hard to file, shape and lacquer by the average nail salonist. No amount of “lipstick” on this tarsal pig helps. There’s simply no way to make the pinky toenail look like anything other than what it is: a nasty, shriveled, sometimes sharp-edged scrap of keratin stuck to the fifth metatarsal–the lowest-ranking sub-appendage on the human body.
So, realizing this, why do women continue to bother including pinky toes in their pedicure? By my count, a full 20% of the toes are cosmetically untreatable, yet they are included in the price of the service. This is stunning: Women are paying for two pretty pinky toes–something that is quite impossible to achieve.
Where else in life are we so wasteful and ignorant of the cost/value equation? Would we pay for a shoeshine and leave after one shoe is treated? Would one buy a six pack of Blue Moon and leave one bottle on the counter? Would we pay to see a 9-inning baseball game, then leave after 7? (Well, only if it involves the Washington Nationals.)
So, starting today, I call on all women to pay 20% less for their next pedicure by skipping the pinky toes. In my estimates, if just 10% of women worldwide adopted this frugal approach, the collective annual savings would be just under $30 billion.
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com.
The Sun Tzu Guide to Management for Left-Handed Female CFOs…and Other Micro-Niche Books
Not everyone has what it takes to author a book. It takes someone with a range of special talents.
You must have the creative skills to generate a few pages of text on a particular topic, the graphic design acumen to add a photo from iStock.com, and the technical skills to click a button and create a downloadable PDF. That’s not all. You’ll also need Internet access so you can upload your new PDF to a Facebook fan page, and also some friends to “Like” the new book.
Sadly, there are some who don’t have these abilities–infants and deceased people come to mind.
You get the point. In a previous context, the word, “book” could lead one to believe that an actual editor and publisher were involved in its development and that one or more trees were felled in its creation.
Today, the barrier to entry and cost for publishing what passes for a “book” has officially dropped to around…zero. This trend and the has led to a glut of what are referred to as micro-niche titles–some no more than a glorified PowerPoint presentation or Word doc–each aiming for an ultra-narrow slice of the market.
Here are some actual examples of micro-niche books I’ve seen recently:
The Sun Tzu Guide to Management for Left-Handed Female CFOs
How to Plan Your Next Sales Kickoff on an Even-Numbered Sunday
Moammar Gadhafi’s Tips for Helping North African Strongmen Cling to Power
Rep. Anthony Weiner’s Guide to Tweeting One’s Privates to Barely Legal Girls
Idiot’s Guide to Writing Book Jacket Blurbs
The Art of Precisely Placing a Dual-Alarm Clock Equidistant from both Bedfellows So that Neither has to Turn it Off for the Other Each Morning
How to Sell Anything to VPs and Above Named Frank
Rep. Anthony Weiner’s Guide to Denying then Admitting Tweeting One’s Privates to Barely Legal Girls
How to Increase Revenue by Incorporating Fuchsia Into Your Home Page
Congressperson’s Guide to Demanding Rep. Anthony Weiner’s Resignation
Five Steps to Publishing a Bestselling Micro-Niche Business Book…in Baltimore
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com.
5 Deals You Won’t See Any Time Soon on LivingSocial or Groupon
You’ve probably seen or at least heard about the amazing deals you can get by subscribing to LivingSocial and Groupon, the daily discount sites that save big hunks of dough on restaurants, activities, weekend getaways and such. But some of the most unique deals don’t make it into the circadian emails due to a lack of broad appeal, or, in some cases, no appeal at all.
Below are some examples from LivingSocial’s and Groupon’s “cutting room floors.”
Beets Me! 88% off Tickets to 2011 World Borscht-Eating Competition
Got beetroot? Anyone of Eastern European heritage knows there’s nothing more exciting than witnessing the coronation of the new Borscht King (or Queen). This one-of-a-kind event features regional borscht-chugging champs from around the world, facing off to see who can ingest the most deep red soup in 10 minutes. Will anyone beet (sorry!) the record of 7.9 gallons set by returning winner Vitaly Pritzkoff? See for yourself!
Celebrate Earth Week with 2-for-1 Kayaking Through Shark-Infested Waters
Bungie-jumping is for sissies. Want a really adrenaline-curdling way to celebrate Earth Week? Try paddling a narrow plastic boat through a pool of water inhabited by hungry male bull sharks. You bring the testosterone and we’ll provide the chum to make sure these man-eating beasts are as threatening as possible. And don’t worry about safety: we’ll supply the life vests at no charge!
Sweatin’ for the Oldies: 31% Discount on Marathon 18-Hour Power Yoga Session for Senior Citizens
Know a shut-in or someone who’s in his or her golden years but needs a bit of encouragement to get out and about and get their blood going? Up Dog Yoga is offering the best reason ever to leave “the home”: An 18-hour power yoga session guaranteed to generate gallons of sweat. How can we be so sure? Because we lock the doors! Sessions led by yoga expert and former Guantanamo guard Matt (“The Waterboarder”) Mahindra.
Smooth Operator. BOGO Gift Pack of Neck and Bust Firming Cream
Wrinkly throat skin and bosom? No worries, happens to the best of you! Solve this nagging sagging problem for you and a friend with the special buy one get one free gift pack of New Wrinkle Neck and Bust Firming Cream. In just months you’ll notice a difference in the texture and number of your wrinkles and folds–usually for the better!
99% off of Mister Sparkle Car Wash (Offer Good Only During Heavy Precipitation)
See a sprinkle? Head to Sparkle! Mister Sparkle Car Wash, that is. Hey, you’re the unlucky sort. It rains right after you get your car washed–every time. So why not take matters into your own hands. Next time you’re in a torrential downpour, head to Mister Sparkle Car Wash and get 99% off of our Ultra-Shine Beautifying Wash and Wax with Undercoating (does not include special wheel washing treatment to remove brake dust).
Bob London is President of London, Ink, a marketing and communications consulting firm based in the Washington, DC area. He can be reached at bob@londonink.com.
Hey NFL Owners: Short on Cash? Sponsored Team Names are Your Best Revenue Source…Ever.
It’s not that far-fetched to think that a number of National Football League owners are obsessing about their franchise’s income statements right about now. Particularly focused on cash flow are those who’ve taken on a pile-up of debt to pay for a new stadium (Jerry Jones, Dan Rooney) or non-football business ventures (Daniel “Six Flags” Snyder).
How long then will it be before the owners think of a way to monetize their most lucrative asset—their team name (also known in marketing circles as their team’s “brand.”) Yes, it’s not difficult to envision desperate or even just plain old greedy owners selling their team’s naming rights to a deep-pocketed company looking to build mindshare among today’s somewhat disenfranchised fans.
They’ve already done it with stadiums—Heinz Field in Pittsburgh, Baltimore’s M&T Bank (who?) Stadium, Mr. Snyder’s FedEx Field. So it’s no great leap to imagine these pairings between NFL teams and some excellent corporate sponsors.
Current Teams |
Sponsored Teams |
| AFC-North | |
| Baltimore Ravens | Baltimore RayBans |
| Cincinnati Bengals | Cincinnati Ben Gays |
| Cleveland Browns | UPS Browns |
| Pittsburgh Steelers | ArcelorMittal Steelers |
|
AFC-South |
|
| Houston Texans | H&R Block Taxens |
| Indianapolis Colts | National Rifle Association Colt Revolvers |
| Jacksonville Jaguars | Geico Gekkos |
| Tennessee Titans | Sears Craftsman Tightens |
|
AFC-East |
|
| Buffalo Bills | Buffalo Wild Wings |
| Miami Dolphins | Shanghai Ahi Tuna Producers Association |
| New England Patriots | U.S. Patriot Act |
| New York Jets | Gulfstream Jets |
|
AFC-West |
|
| Denver Broncos | Cialis Bucking Broncos |
| Kansas City Chiefs | Ralph Lauren HandkerChiefs |
| Oakland Raiders | Raid BugKillers |
| San Diego Chargers | Duracell Chargers |
|
NFC-North |
|
| Chicago Bears | World Wildlife Fund Bears |
| Detroit Lions | United Auto Workers Strykers |
| Green Bay Packers | FedEx Shippers |
| Minnesota Vikings | Viking Rangers |
|
NFC-South |
|
| Atlanta Falcons | Atlantis Resort Tourists |
| Carolina Panthers | Dockers Pantsers |
| New Orleans Saints | Vatican City Saints |
| Tampa Bay Buccaneers | Tampax Defenders |
|
NFC-East |
|
| Dallas Cowboys | Jerry’s Cowboys |
| New York Giants | New York Trumps |
| Philadelphia Eagles | Philly Cream Cheese |
| Washington Redskins | CapitalOne DebtRunners |
|
NFC-West |
|
| Arizona Cardinals | Taco Bell Border Patrollers |
| San Francisco 49ers | Google 10100s |
| Seattle Seahawks | Seattle’s Best Seahawks |
| St. Louis Rams | St. Louis Ram Trucks |
So, here’s to a little financial creativity on the owners’ part to keep the money coming in, so we can all look forward to seeing our favorite teams–albeit with slightly different monikers–compete each week on TGIFriday Night Football.
Bobservations is written by me, Bob London. More of my writing can be seen at www.bob-servations.com. I’m also president of London, Ink LLC, a full-service marketing and communications firm and serve as a Virtual VP of Marketing for growth-stage companies that need hands-on project-based leadership in marketing strategy and planning. More information is available at www.londonink.com.
Adopting down-market strategy, Neiman-Marcus plans chain of “$1,000 Stores.”
FEBRUARY 22, 2011–POTOMAC, MD In an effort to accelerate growth by broadening its appeal beyond rich people, luxury retailer Neiman-Marcus, is planning a new chain of ‘$1,000 Stores,’ according to sources close to the 
company. Patterned after the popular ‘dollar store’ concept, which gained favor with investors during the economic downturn, the $1,000 Stores will be stocked exclusively with products that cost exactly $1,000–which Neiman’s research shows is the price point that triggers impulse spending among non-rich people.
“We believe our core business with luxury buyers is healthy,” said the source who asked not to be identified since he is embarrassed by the plan. “But we needed a way to hedge our bets without damaging the brand. The $1,000 stores are for those who aspire to be our regular clientele but aren’t quite there yet. They’ll be able to browse freely at what we call the ‘grab bag’ price point–they can put any item in the store it in their motorized shopping carts and not have to ask what it costs.”
Some industry observers are skeptical of the $1,000 Stores’ appeal to deal seekers. According to marketing consultant Bob London of London, Ink, Neiman executives may be setting the bar too high. “What are they smoking?” London asked rhetorically before answering his own question by saying, “Knowing Neiman’s, probably the world’s most expensive, organically cultivated weed, imported from Milan and stored in a monogrammed, distressed leather stash bag.”
According to the source, the working name for the new stores is, “Let Them Eat Cake.”
–This article is satirical and not based on any real people, companies or actions that I’m aware of.–
Bobservations is written by me, Bob London. More of my writing can be seen at www.bob-servations.com. I’m also president of London, Ink LLC, a full-service marketing and communications firm and serve as a Virtual VP of Marketing for growth-stage companies that need hands-on project-based leadership in marketing strategy and planning. More information is available at www.londonink.com.
